Finally, do remember you are the one doing the choosing, you are not the one being chosen.
Making a Choice:
There are two ways to arrive at a choice:

‘Maximizing’ – what all your choice entails, aspiring for the best. That is trying to find the Best choice to make, or best value to get and nothing less. You can never be sure that the option you are considering is really the best, or that there isn’t a better option around the corner. Maximizing in the making of any choice leads to fragile solutions and is generally a direct route to unhappiness.
‘Satisficing’ – By setting a reasonable aspirational level and then choosing the first option that is satisfactory; that is good enough, settling for the best available. Insisting on finding the ideal or perfectly compatible spouse, is like trying to maximize your choice something we have already seen earlier as not being the best way to choose.

Make a list of all the capabilities and attributes you think your choice should have; in the beginning it could be very long. That doesn’t matter. Now systematically consider each, preferably with loving elders who are themselves married and thus can guide you in evaluating the relative values of what you are considering, and then start cutting the requirements till you arrive at say, the FIVE most important ones for you. Ofcourse, only you should decide which are most important for you. Whom to get married to, can be decided as per the above guidelines. Then decide on the first option or choice available at that time, the one who meets these FIVE essential criteria you have decided on.

Remember that – The BETTER, (the bird/birds in the bush), is only a prospect and is the enemy of the GOOD, (the bird in your hand). Also, that Marriage is not the choice of a Soul-mate or of the one who is perfectly compatible, it is rather, the making of a good choice and understanding that ‘Marriage is the ART of living with some Incompatibles that may arise from time to time’. As the context before and after the marriage will be greatly different, be prepared to accept such differences, as after all you have ticked all the really important points when making your choice. Also be aware of how your own attitudes may have changed, something on which you do have control.

Since a lot more than just subjective feelings/impressions need to be considered, as objectively as possible, leave such to your Elders who know you and your likes and inclinations well, and have only your happiness and welfare at heart and no other reasons, and who can be more objective. Experience has shown that even in arranged marriages, the parents/elders should meet and evaluate the prospective spouse even before the protagonists meet. Otherwise, the chances of a satisfactory outcome are rather low. Of course, even then, you do have the final VETO vote.

The one factor that you should seriously consider in the first meeting with the prospective spouse and before deciding, is to be conscious of whether you get an immediate sense of DISLIKE. Research shows that this is recognized/felt within about 30 milliseconds, a blink of an eye, at the moment of close eye-contact, a hand shake distance, many a time before even a word is spoken. If you sense such dislike then say NO. However, if there is no sense of dislike then that in itself is a positive factor. LIKE, on the other hand, has many shades of grey or varying percentage values, like say, 51, or 71 or 91 percent and so on. It is also difficult to quantify LIKE, as it depends on many subjective factors that come into play. If circumstances require you to decide for yourself you will need to be even more careful, especially as your personal assessments will tend to be very subjective when you and your hormones are involved, changing even with the time of the day, or month or the circumstances, and thus making you reconsider, even selectively convincing yourself, of what can be changed in the criteria you had earlier laid down. This is where arranged marriages have an advantage. Worldwide research shows that marriages recommended by parents/other close elders in the Family, even before the protagonists actually meet, are the most successful.

So, if the essential criteria are met and you have no dislike for the person, then you say YES and thereafter keep your promise/ commitment by working to adjust as necessary, to make the marriage work. You can take solace that even though your parents/elders make even upto 99 percent of the decision, your one percent is the decisive VETO vote.

Research shows that Couples that spend more on their engagement Rings and Weddings, especially Destination weddings, were more likely to divorce. As Daniel Pink advises- “Forget the romantics and listen to the researchers, Prudence beats Passion.”

It would be better if the wedding itself, is treated as a close Family function and importance given to the conduct of the ceremony itself with a clear understanding of it all. Photographers and Guests should not be allowed to disturb the ceremony. Thereafter one or more receptions, as deemed necessary, may be organized for other family members and friends to meet the couple.

Checking Horoscopes for compatibility is a decision your elders will take, if they have confidence in the Astrologer they select. Tradition shows us that there is some validity in horoscopes. This will provide you with another check point in these days when the youth spend considerable time away from their Family in other environments. Give weightage to strong negatives in the horoscope, that guide you to say NO. Positives can be considered, but not so decisively. Note that all prophecies are only probabilities and not definitive.

Remember; A woman, builds her house into a happy home, or tears it down, with her own attitude and her actions. The most important decision she makes is, who she lets into the house and what energy they bring into it. Do not let the negative attitude or comments of others effect your relationships with those who are really important to you.

Finally, do remember you are the one doing the choosing, you are not the one being chosen. Be guided by all the above in making your Choice and then adjust and live happily with your Choice.

MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH THE ABILITY TO MAKE A REALLY GOOD CHOICE AND ENJOY A LONG, HAPPY, HEALTHY AND PROSPEROUS WEDDED LIFE, AND ALSO CONTINUE SPREADING JOY ALL AROUND YOU.

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