Choices:
Life is all about CHOICES! You encounter a Choice, analyze your options, and make your choice, guided by rationale, reasonableness, practicability and knowledge and, then live with its consequences.
We do not know for sure what makes us Successful or Happy. But we know with certainty what destroys Success or Happiness. Negative Knowledge (what not to do or choose) is much more potent than positive knowledge (what to do or choose). Instinctive negative reactions should be given greater value. Your choices determine your happiness. Such choices are finally made internally by yourself and you must be willing to take responsibility for the consequences thereafter instead of blaming others, or circumstances. It is not what happens to you that matters, it is how you respond to those circumstances that count. Note that choosing to not make a choice is also your choice and the consequences thereafter will always be only your responsibility.

When it comes to Marriage:
Remember: that in all species in Nature, it is always the Male that goes about trying to prove how good a choice he would be. He shows off and makes efforts to impress the Female, whether it be the Peacock with his magnificent tail, the Antelope/Deer with its Antlers, or even the Puffer Fish showing off its huge nest making capability in the seas, which is never used. Such examples in Nature are ubiquitous. The female, makes no effort to impress, it is in comparison simple and also seemingly unimpressed with all the prancing and other efforts of the male, even as she evaluates the options. This is the right attitude to have.

Don’t be carried away with the glitter of borrowed feathers and be impressed with the display of capabilities garnered from their Fathers’ achievements, which is what most young human males are usually demonstrating. Those that are quietly striving to attain to their own goals of achievements, especially those seeking to better, or build further on their Fathers’ achievements are really the ones to consider more seriously.

In humans, Family Background definitely counts, but it cannot be the only deciding factor, especially in these days when youngsters spend many years away from their families, exposed to different environments and cultures. Hence, the deciding factor would really only be the evaluation of the person himself by your elders, and most importantly by you.

When is it time to make the decision?
When to get married is also important. You should be old enough but not too old. The right time to make a decision is when you have finished your Education and have proved yourself by working for a year or two in a good Company/ Organization, in your selected field. Waiting longer is not sensible as it reduces your available choices rather rapidly. Availability of prospective spouses dictates the value of choice. The greater the availability, the easier and better the choice. So, exercise your choice early, waiting for whatever the reason, reduces the availability and hence the option to make the best possible choice. You need to make a quick, strategic decision. Research also shows that the average age difference between the couples world-wide, is 3 years +/- 2 years, i.e. 1 to 5 years. That gives time for your prospective choice to also complete his education and gain some career experience.

Remember:

• You are not a prize to be won. You are the Judge to decide if he deserves to be chosen.
• The goal is not that you have to be pretty enough that he wants you. Actually, the opposite is what is true. The goal is not to be chosen, but for you to choose someone worth your time.

The FIRST question you should ask about any prospective person you consider is;

• Does he add ‘Value’ to my Life, or does he just make me feel ‘Good’? Because feeling ‘Good’ lasts only a few months, while ‘Value’ lasts a Lifetime.
• If he adds ‘Value’ he does three things:
• He makes you sharper, more confident and assertive, not only softer and pliant.
• He challenges you to Grow, not only to just stay comfortable.
• He has a Plan for his future, not just feelings about the present, and sees you as an important Partner in that future.

The OTHER important Question to be asked is;

• Is he good enough for me? Just choosing the person because he makes you feel wanted is not the right choice. Choose the person who makes you feel better and appreciated. Also, does he elicit in you, admiration and respect?

Your feelings are not infallible, but they are better than most other sources of guidance. However, in order to make the right decision you must seek to know yourself better or work with those who know you better, your elders.

Research rates ‘Beauty /Looks’ at only about 14 to 35 percent, in evaluating the overall rating for determining the long-term success of a relationship. Youth, Beauty/Looks, are depreciating assets once they reach their peak by the mid-twenties to thirties. It is only the media, generally controlled by men, that builds the story that women need cosmetics to maintain their looks and combat aging, while they, the men, age gracefully and impressively. The cosmetic industry advertising encourages such a discriminative view. Actually, women too do age gracefully even as they choose to use cosmetics only minimally or perhaps even not at all.

Desirability such as family background, academic qualifications and talent, can be considered as indicators of future earning ability. However, health and qualities such as good nature, being trustworthy, possessing a sense of humour, a mature sense of understanding and responsibility, and an attitude of being considerate, caring and compassionate are real appreciating assets even as one grows older, and thus should be better valued.

This isn’t about being cold or calculative in making your choice, this is about understanding that who you choose determines the trajectory of your entire Life. The wrong Partner could be the cause of decades of unhappiness for you. The right Partner multiplies everything you are and brings a sense of contentment and joy. The relationship you seek needs to be a lifelong reciprocative relationship and not just transactional.

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